shedmysoul

2008-04-02T02:35:00.000-07:00

wow. this blog has been dead for god knows how long. gna try to revive it. haha! ehh, this is no poem, but a song. got the tune, just need to find a suitable instrument to play it with!

(written at the start of the year)

There’s a girl beside a willow tree
One day she said to me
With tears in her eyes
And cuts on her arms
‘Give me a good reason to live’

As I saw through her mask of smiles
Broken hearts and shattered hopes
Someday we will know
The pain in her, hollow soul

As she wished on a shooting star
Crashing down on long green grass
Playing the notes
And singing her song
As she, strummed hard on her guitar

Standing by the riverside
Skipping stones and watching the sky
Singing out, with voice so strong
Lyrics of heartbreak and home

Breaking down and shatter vases
Pulling out all the flowers
The thorns cut through skin
But her nerves are all numb
And all she cared, was the boy that left

He was cruel, he was mean
But how my heartstrings tugged towards him.
With letters of hope and love so strong
The blow of the truth
Hurt even more

Slowly, as I looked to the mirror
And saw the black lined eyes
And suddenly I saw
That girl was me

Summer and All

2006-03-21T02:05:00.000-08:00

Summer And All

By the road to the old cemetery
under the first hot sunof the season,
not a breeze to cool a red cheek
and three more months to burn,

you smelled the honeysuckle and the
mint, put them in my hand. i tasted
the honey, you listened.

All along the road we saw flowers fully
open, at the peak of their once-a-year
performance,alive as they would ever be,
the green grass assuming it would live forever.

Such a change came over me
on the road to the old cemetery.
Summer became a golden promise,a lovely
liar, or a chance for new life

Duckfoot

2006-03-21T02:00:00.000-08:00

Duckfoot

Shell with an angel wing,yellow
on the outside, pure white
inside, a weatherless tornado
churning and hollow.

Boy with a leather jacket, quiet
on the outside, turbulent
inside. Sometimes his black eyes
churn;sometimes their hollow.

Girl with an attitude,fearless
on the outside, paralyzed
inside.her perfect shell covers
a churning heart, a hollow hell
S.L

I LOved You

2006-03-21T01:55:00.000-08:00

I Loved You

She hated life,
And wanted to die,
Each night she wrote a letter,
On ways to die.
Child abuse, Sexual harrsment, and emotions mixed,
A problem messing with her,
That can't be fixed.
So young when she first attempted suicide,
But she didn't die.
She over-dosed on advil,
A serious risk that can kill.

Next was her child abuse,
That hurt her so bad,
Everytime she got hit,
It mad her mad.
Her real dad never hit her,
Only her mom and step-dad did,
The bruises on her skin,
Is what she always hid.

Finally the abuse stopped,
But the next part is like no other,
She was sexually harrased,
By her very own brother.
It messed with her head,
Until she couldn't take it anymore,
She had to kill herself,
She felt like such a whore.

Another failed attempt,
With all her emotions a wreck,
That time she tried to suicide,
With a cord around her neck.

At the age of 12,
She turned to a blade,
One that she thought could,
Make her inside hurt fade.
During this life of torture,
Only one person made her life worth living,
He kept on taking her happiness,
But she just kept on giving.

You can't imagine,
The pain she could feel,
Harsh memories of the past,
Need more time to heal.

Finally after about a year,
He told her she wasn't the one,
His words made her die inside,
What he did was done.

Scars marked her amrs up and down,
Her third attempt of suicide,
She tried to drown.
Finally she couldn't take it anymore,
And looked through all the suicidal ways in her book,
And the one that was destined to work she took.
A gun in her hand,
And the knife against her arm,
A note in her pocket,
Explaining all her harm.

Hot tears streamed down her face,
As her pointed the gun at her head,
Ready to pull the trigger,
Ready to be dead.
One last cut on each arm,
Slashed each wrist,
This poor soul of hers,
Would never be missed.

She used blood from her wrist,
To write her final message on the floor,
After that she couldn't take it anymore.
With the gun in hand and a final breathe,
She pulled the trigger,

As seconds went by,
The pool of blood got bigger.
When her parents found her,
There was alot they felt,
Her crying mother,
Was sorry for every bruise and welt.

Across the floor was the message,
Her ex-boyfreind did see,
It was for no one else,But only he.
He wanted her back,
But there was nothing he could do,
Her last message in blood was,
'I loved you'

you are my angel

2006-03-21T01:47:00.000-08:00

You Are My Angel

Walking up the stairs,
I can see the attic door,
The attic which is unheated,
The cold, empty third floor.

I have only been up there once,
For this is not my home,
It is my best friends,
Where she lives in peace alone.

Her parents both are drunks,
They dont give a damn about her,
But there is more to it,
This I am so sure.

I tell my friend Ill be,
In her room in just a few,
That I need to use the bathroom,
I feel like I have the flu.

She goes into her room,
And I climb up the stairs,
And as I reach the top,
I can hear a whispered prayer.

Behind the wooden door,
A girl spoke in a quiet voice,
"I dont want to go on living,
But I have no other choice.

Oh God why is it me,
That has to live this way?
Why wont you make my parents,
Simply go away?

They dont do this to my sister.
She gets to go and live.
All I want from you Is,
Some compassion as a gift.

You know what they do to me,
Why dont they beat her too?
Why dont they yell and scream,
To her like to me they do?

You know I want out of here,
For I am only seven.
You know I want to die,
And be with you in heaven.

But still I cant get out,
I have nowhere to run,
And I know this abuse,
Has barely even begun.

I am only seven,
What about next year?
What will they do when Im eight?
God, do you even care?

Why is it just me?
Im just a little girl.
Why do I have to go through,
The pain that is my world?

Only mom and dad,
And of course my big sis,
Know that Im alive,
That I even exist.

God please help me now.
I cant go through it again.
They just beat me last night.
This needs to finally end.

Please God,just send some help,
Have someone please realize,
That I am here alive,
And I need help to fly.

Please when mom and dad come,
Dont let the pain begin.
Please just send help soon.
I love you Lord, Amen."

As I stand and listen,
Tears fill my eyes,
From the story that is told,
And the little childs cries.

I know for a fact,
This childs parents dont,
Do this to my best friend,
But I ask why not?

It does not seem fair,
For a child to go through this pain,
And my friend to be left alone.
These parents are insane.

A child of only seven,
Is wishing she were dead,
These parents put those ideas,
Into her little head.

As softly as I can,
I open the attic door,
And I look in and see,
A girl lying on the floor.

Her face is badly bruised,
And a cut lies on her chin,
Her light brown hair was mangled,
And she was severely thin.

I kneel down next to her,
And look into her eyes,
"I heard what you were saying,
I heard all of your cries.

I think it is a sign,
That I was standing there.
And I think I have been sent,
As an answer to your prayer.

I dont know how,
But Im going to take you away,
Im going to help you now,
You will be free today."

I gently slide my arms,
Underneath her and lift,
I know Im giving her,
Her much prayed for gift.

I look into her eyes,
And she looks up in mine,
And then she says so softly,
"Thank you for being so kind.

I never really believed,
That God would answer my prayer,
I never would have imagined,
You were standing there."

I carry her down stairs,
And out onto the yard,
And I carried her away,
From her life which was so hard.

One more time she spoke,
As we reached the park.
And this time what she said,
Really touched my heart.

"Now I know that God,
Really heard my prayer,
And I know you are my angel,
And he sent you to be there."

Black And White

2006-03-19T01:31:00.000-08:00

Black And White

look more closely- you're missing
the mystery. my behavior
is no more my story
than a chalk outline on pavement.

If you were a cat, you would be
black and white, not entirely
unlucky, but suspicious anyway.
not a loner, just alone.

look more closely-i'm dressed
in bright red so I won't
disappear! please confess
if you hear me or see me.

If you were a cat, you would
see through me, front to back,
my sighs and wonders. Black
and white, you would not run
S.L

lonely life

2006-03-15T20:28:00.000-08:00

I can be in a sea of people
Yet feel all alone
I hide behind
A mask made of fresh tears everyday

People think i'm so lucky
When they don't see the whole picture
Clothes and bangles hide my scars
That increase by each day

My dad is in jail
My mum is dead
My perfect family
Is molded out

I have a house
With lots of servants
But yet
I would rather have a house filled with a real family

I am so lonely everyday of my life
Trying to keep up my image
But I am slowly slipping away
From this lonely life

Some might feel terrified
But I can't wait
To get out of this
Lonely life.

The day finally came
That I have to go
I was rather happy
To leave this world

I died on that day,
With a smile on my face
I died with no regrets
Only happiness.
-serena

if i cry...

2006-03-15T04:22:00.000-08:00

If I Cry

If I cry,
will you wipe my tears,
will you abolish,
pain from all these years?

If I cry,
and show you my scars,
will you hide,
and lock me up?

If I cry,
then you will know i hurt,
I don't want you to know why,
there's so much blood on my shirt.

If I cry,
and call your name,
will you walk away,
and turn your head in vain?

If I cry will you comfort me,
and love me all the same,
despite my wrong, my sin, my scars,
despite all of my pain?

If I cry,
will you leave me here;
let me sink in,
my darkest fear?

If I cry,
and let you see,
what then,
will you think of me?

If i run,and cry all at once,
how will you react,
it hurt so bad to see your face,
when you caught me in the act.

You saw my blood, my shirt so soaked,
you just stared in awe,
you saw the blade, the blood, my pain,
then pretended like you never saw.

If I cry will you remember me,
and try to save my life,
if I cry will you love me then,
despite my addicting knife?

I just want to remember,
how you loved me then,
you are my own mother,
the only one that's been.

Just love me like you love him,
and then I'll put down my knife,
but you can't love me,
you never will, not one time in my life.

only you

2006-03-15T04:08:00.000-08:00

Only You

here i am
shouting into my pillow
can't let anyone hear me
ranting on my pathetic life

i hide behind a mask made of tears
made from all the hard times i went through
no one had broke through that perfect mask
only you
only you

i thought i could pull it off
but it seems i can't
i can't believe that
you are the one i'd be doing this to.

seems im not that perfect after all
and you were the only one who i would tell
only you.

im slowly breaking down
shutting myself out from the others
wearing more eyeliner
and less lip gloss

pink turns to black
tan to pale
im slowly breaking down
into you.

i can't take it anymore
im leaving this world
the blade glimmers against the light
the blood drips onto the floor

im sorry i dragged you into this
but i had to tell someone
thank you but,
goodbye...
S.L

the life of a faker

2006-03-15T04:06:00.000-08:00

The Life Of A Faker

Brush your teeth, comb your hair, smile for the crowd
Act like your life is a blue sky without a single cloud
Walk around like a Barbie doll Bottle up your emotions, you can fool them all
Keep your size 4 figure, dumb yourself down
Serve the Queen Bee, polish her imaginary crown
Go to the mall, don your miniskirt and heels Valley Girl
Let no food pass your lips unless you intend to hurl
Smile, giggle, send the boys kisses through the air
Dance, strut around like you haven't a care
Hide your pain, learn to lie
Only in secret can you cry
Never show the marks, cut where they can't see
Act as if you're happy with what they want you to be
Go to parties, drink some beer
Let the bass drown out all your pain and fear
Laugh at the nerd, make fun of the geek
The same thing happens each and every week
Hide your soul with bright clothes and an over made up face
Alway feeling unsure and always out of place
Your life isn't the sugarcoated bliss that everyone knew
So give it up, stop the chaade, to thine own self be true

why did i leave?

2006-03-15T02:23:00.000-08:00

Why Did I Leave?

Floating in the air
Staring at the crowd
Looking at the tear-stained faces
Wondering what they mean

Do they really care?
Or am I just dreaming?
Why are they crying?
Are those tears shed for me?

Why did I leave?
Was it worthwhile?
Just to see this.
Why did I leave?

I want to go back
But can I?
He is over there
Over my body

Crying his heart out
How I wish
I could go over to him
Why did I leave?

I try to stroke away his tears
But my hands go through
Silver tears slide down
My silver face

I stare at my hands
They are disappearing
I gasp in horror
But no one hears me

Just then,
He pulls out a knife
He slits his own wrists
Just to join me

As he appears next to me
I hold his hands and whisper to him
Hold me tight
And never let go

Our souls disappears together
Just as I wished
'I'm really glad you're here with me'
I whisper to him.
-serena

Slow Dance

2006-03-14T18:29:00.000-08:00

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

The Tears That I Cry

2006-03-14T18:11:00.000-08:00

The tears that I cry,
Come racing down my face.
I now see that all of the things Ive done,
Was all just a big waste.

I have just one wish,
That they can see,
All of this pain
That they give me.

In the darkness,
I stand alone.
I will remain here,
Until I am just dust and bones.

Everyone only cares,
About what others think about them.
So theyll pick on just one,
And that is me for who I am.

People see me different,
Like I am a weird creature.
Please dont judge me,
Just by my different features.

I am a human being,
I shouldnt be treated like this.
People dont want me to live anymore,
they want me to slit my wrist.

But I know better,
If they only knew.
About the things
That they make me go through.

I have no friends,
No one that cares.
Every minute of my life,
I just want to shed to tears.

I cannot fight this on my own.
I am only one.
Away is where I want to go,
But I cannot just leave this battle and run.

After all,
it isnt meI am not the one who needs help.
They are hurting me to much,
I just want to scream and yelp.

I dont want anymore nightmares,
All they do is make me scream.
All I want is for one night,
Actually have a pleasant dream.

The fears that will come,
It is not right for a young person
To live the events,
Thatll just worsen.

Is it right?
For some one to fear tomorrow?
Why is it I,
That must feel this sorrow?

They laugh at me
And call me weird,
They dont understand,
That they are people Ive always feared.

I am afraid,
That if I look into their eyes,
I will become as evil as them,
And make others cry.

If they wouldnt taunt me,
I would be successful.
But they dont care,
But all I am now is stressful.

So,the tears that I cry,
Come racing down my face.
I now see that all of the things Ive done,
Was all just a big waste.

Black Rose

2006-03-14T18:01:00.000-08:00

Black Rose

No one will ever tell me,
No one will ever know,
How on my own doorstep,
I recieved a big, black rose.

I was just day-dreaming,
In my own world-so free,
I got up and opened the door,
And gasped so suddenly.

The evening was cold and stormy,
Every thunderclap filled me with fright,
And I almost jumped a mile,
When I saw that rose, dark as night.

I wasn't that bewildered,
Or even a little scared,
Because when I saw that Black Rose,
I knew that someone cared.
S.L

Ending Dreams

2006-03-14T17:48:00.000-08:00

I found out of this life
With my lonely razer and knife

Let me go please i can't take the pain
This pain that crawls through that vein

Let me bleed and leave tonight
And I will be gone and out of sight

Don't keep my memory good friend
I will see you in the end

Don't keep the memories and lies
Because everyone eventually dies

Let the memories die down
So you won't suffer and drown

This is how it should be
Without me

Let it all go away
Please don't make me stay

If you make me stay you are only hurting me
So let the memories go so you can't see

People trying to love and care
Wasn't enough and didn't make it fair

I still feel all the f*cking hits
I still feel like the sh*ty misfit

Leave me alone or kill me
Leave just do it now or leave me be

I tried to stay
But now I feel like I need to go away

I am nothing i am a default
Everything is always my fault

Everyone eventually dies
And it leads to so many cries

So much has happened it won't go away
The past keeps coming back and will stay

I can't stop it but I have tried
Even though I almost died

Can't you see I am hopeless
I don't deserve friends, I am just worthless

Running out of blood, my world goes black
I hope you know I won't be coming back

I am draining myself till I can't stay
Please take these words I have to say:Dear friend

I hope to see you again in the end
Let all this pain

That lives inside you drain
Please forget me

So this pain you won't see
I am sorry but I have to say good-bye
Oh please let go of my memory and don't cry.

i wanna be that girl

2006-03-14T00:56:00.000-08:00

I wanna be that girl you've got your arm around
i wanna be that girl your just so glad you've found
i wanna be that girl
who you're talking to
i wanna ge that girl sitting next to u
i wanna be that girl
who u call your own
i wanna be that girl
you treat like a princess and put on a thrown
i wanna be that girlwho you look at with that sparkle in your eyes
i wanna be that girl
who u buy a gift 4 just as a suprise
i wanna be that girl
who u always have to be near
i wanna be that girl who you always wish is here
i wanna be that girl
who you point out to your friends
i wanna be that girl
recieving the flowers that u send
i wanna be that girl who you love with all your heart
i wanna be that girl
who u kno you'll never part
i wanna be that girl
who u kno you'll love forever
i want us to feel
we'll always be together
i wanna be that girl who you say "yea, she's mine"
i just wanna stay that girl
until the end of time
is it too much to ask of u to give me the time of day?
is it too much to ask of u
to ever look my way?
is it too late 4 me to say
ive loved u from the start
and i just wanna be that girl
who will always have your heart

im sorry i can't be perfect

2006-03-14T00:53:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
anything that you like.
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
but I can't keep up this fight.
The one between me and the blade
and how it comes to my wrist.
Can't you see
how hard I am trying to fight this.
You think you are being funny when you make the jokes
but it's hurting me inside.
You laugh at your stupid jokes
but I am crying on the inside.
You think cutting is a whole big joke like it's all right.
You say you cut yourself and you know I am trying not too.
I ask you not too because it hurts me too.
Please don't treat me like a big joke,
you know I love you and it makes me sad to know that you have the blade too.
Please don't hurt yourself it makes me cry
please don't make me lie.
I am sorry I can't be perfect
like you think I am
This perfect mask
I wear was made from my tears
so just let me wear it alone.

wait for me

2006-03-14T00:46:00.000-08:00

its been so long
i can't take it anymore
for five long years
i was faithful
visiting you .

now,
im watching the blood
slowly flooding the floor
as i go dizzy
i remember the times
we had together
the sweet kisses
the long hugs.

soon ,
we'll be together
forever.

wait for me
and we'll
go into the sunset together
-serena

tears behind the smile

2006-03-14T00:42:00.000-08:00

Her friends don't know
The feelings she doesn't show
The shadows behind the light
Hidden by a pretty sight
Broken by a lost love
Betrayed by the stars above
Living alone in sadness and anger
Waiting for someone to come and save her
Crying tears of blood
In sorrow her soul has flood
Dressed in silk and beautiful lace
All she wants is to escape this horrible place
Sitting alone all by herself
Just another perfect doll put away back on her shelf
Hiding tears behind a fake smile
Hoping to hang in there for a while
But all is ok, as long as they can't see
That this little girl is and forever will be...
Me.

its been 3 years

2006-03-14T00:40:00.000-08:00

Its been 3 years,
That you've been gone,
And yet I still,
Can't move on.
I tried dating other people,
And I went to therapy,
But I just can't get rid of,
The memories of you,
from me.
At night I cry,
Because I miss you so bad,
And everytime I hear your name,
It makes me sad.
I know you didn't mean,
To leave me here alone,
The playground and tire-swing we played on,
I have outgrown.
I remember your laugh,
And your dorky smile,
To get rid of this misery,
Will take awhile.
You used to make me so happy,
When I would open my door to find you,
We played together for hours,
And had fun with everything we would do.
Sometimes I wonder,
Why you left this world and me,
I really loved you more then a friend,
And thats what I always wanted you to see.
But now that your gone,
I don't know what to do,
The flowers we onced picked,
Are no longer new.
I still remember our last day,
It was the greatest one ever,
I thought I could tell you,
That I wanted us to be together.
You said goodbye and went home,
And gave me one last cheek kiss,
What I didn't know,
Is that its the one I still miss.
I went home and woke up the next day,
To find my mom her eyes red like she cried,
She told me that last night,
You had died.
I ran to your house,
My eyes filled with tears,
The police gave me a box you wanted me to have,
It had all the suicidal poems from over the years.
It took me 46 hours and 13 mintues,
To read them all,
And half of them were love notes for me,
And my heart was about to fall.
I cried endlessly,
Not knowing why you had to go,
Now I'm slowing turning suicidal,
And I gotta make sure it don't show.
I still dream about us swinging together,
And playing in the pool,
If only I knew you were hurting so much,
I feel like a fool.
Now I'm planning the days,
Until I can meet you,
I'm going to commit suicide,
And just what I'm going to do.
I love you more,
Then I love my own life,
Thats why I'm willing to take it away,
With this very knife.
By the end of this week,
I will already be dead,
I've decided to slit my wrists,
And then a shot to the head.
So don't worry my love,
We'll be together soon,
So we can be swinging together,
Just after noon.

sealed with a kiss

2006-03-13T04:57:00.000-08:00

I wish I could really be;
Everything you swear you see in me.
I'd be a hero;Not a zero.
Someone worthy of your love,
And when I die,
I'd go to Heaven above.
I'd be able to fix all your harms,
Just by wrapping you up in my arms.
Your hurt, I could defeat it with one kiss,
My eyes could mesmerize you in to sweet bliss.
My voice would sooth your worst fears,
I wouldn't be the cause for any of your tears.
You'd feel my touch,
even when I wasn't there,
And I'd be able to show how much I really care.
But in reality,
This could never be.
Because of me, you've cried.
I'm not a hero, I've lied.
Kept things to myself as I hid in a shell.
You deserve better, I'm hardly worthy for Hell.
I wasn't there to hold you,When you needed me to.
These lips have been unfaithful,And my eyes reflect how I'm ungrateful.
I gave you more reasons to lose sleep.
I promised things I don't think I can keep.
But even as you know all this,You tell me you love me,
and seal it with a kiss...

the hidden girl

2006-03-13T04:52:00.000-08:00

Across the room they seem to see
A smiling girl who looks like me.
With two huge dimples on each cheek
She laughs and talks, and always speaks.
She's the girl they think would have it all.
But inside her is where tears fall.
Inside her mask is where I dwell
This broken girl she hides so well.
I try to wipe her tears away
But they fall more each coming day
She tries to laugh when her heart breaks
But hurts with every smile she fakes.
And inside her is where I dwell
The hidden girl she hides so well.
The girl that no one ever sees,
Behind a mask that looks like me.

facing fears

2006-03-13T04:46:00.000-08:00

As she gazes at the immensely high tower,
And feels the sprinkles of the powerful stream.
She gently tiptoes toward the aquamarine shower,
Smiling at the radiant dream.
While the water releases her of her fears,
Flashbacks possess her mind of her disgraceful life.
So, she dives into the flowing river to cleanse her tears,
Letting the rainbow of peace replace her strife.
The falling water carries her away,
On a raft of misty clouds.
And places her on the pillowed earth to lay,
Waves leaving her in reverent bows.
As she was slowly awakening,
While staring blankly at the scenery.
Her memory was slowly weakening,
Wondering if it was just a reverie.
Now her soul is free of fright,
And clouds open up the Heaven's above.
By covering her face with spiritual light,
Feeling the warmth of love.
With a majestic spell in her eyes,
Instead of tears to pour.
Not only can you see her fly,
But, in all her grace,
watch her soar.

the other girl

2006-03-13T04:42:00.000-08:00

I found you, I held you, I needed you, I wanted you.
I could see it from the start,
the lies versus the truth.
Everything was to be excepted,
relationships never work out.
When the entire time,
you filled my empty heart with doubt.
You chose this foolish girl to feed your desperate words to.
I didn't know you at all apparently,
but you knew you.
Love slowly slips from my fingers like grains of soft sand.
Pain gradually seeps through me,
with a blade in my hand.
Should I just do it,
will it help like they say it does?
Maybe I should brand myself with a proof of pain,
instead of finding the cause.
Of why you left me without a single goodbye.
Why you made me suffer and everyone refused to tell me why.
I put the knife aside,
that kind of life wasn't for me.
I would live through today,
and hold in the tears for no one to see.
I looked through a dirty window,
searching for nature's beauty to calm my soul.
Then I saw you walking on the road,
a shiver was sent and I felt cold.
You were walking alone, you briefly stopped and looked at my home.
I knew you could see me here,
for once I didn't feel alone.
A river of hope rushed through my veins.
But ironically was followed with a waterfall of pain.
I saw her skip up to you and put her arms around you.
Was this my fate, was this the honest truth?
She kissed you passionately and became quite confused.
As she saw tears in your eyes when she looked at you.
You stared at me from the lonely street.
I knew you still cared, you still felt for me.
Maybe you were unsure, maybe it just didn't feel right.
I still hold onto my hopes,
I'll always hold on tight.
As I slid my fingers across the glass and a tears streamed down my face.
I wanted to slowly die,
I wanted to leave this place.
She dragged you along,
taking a walk hand in hand.
I couldn't believe this was happening,
I couldn't understand.
You looked back one last time and I could see you sigh.
Your body language from here made me soon cry.
You went back to her and she laughed,
spinned about and twirled.
She was beautiful, full of life,
she was the other girl.
So maybe that knife will help this pain fade away.
Nothing else worked,
I hope it works today.
You promised me everything,
you promised me I was your world.
Now I see you from my window in love with ,
the other girl. . .

now will you love me?

2006-03-13T04:40:00.000-08:00

A little girl,only six,waiting near the basement door,her mommy didnt care,and her daddy wasnt home,she was bruised and she was beat,so hungry you could see her bones,crying everyday,her daddy locked away,for murdering one day,thats what they all say,and the little girl sighs,and closes her eyes,and hugs a little stuffed rabbit close,The only one that loved her the most.One day her bunny dropped,it was laying near a red stick,she picked it up and exclaimed, " Whats this?!"grabbing a match to try to see,she lit it up and then in big red letters, before her eyes, she had written, "NOW WILL YOU LOVE ME?".A year later,the daddy didnt know,but found the little bunny,giving off a glow,he picked it up and cried,as a message caught his eye,he read it and cried, now he could see,and it read,NOW WILL YOU LOVE ME?The little girl was dead,And then a little ghost said,NOW WILL YOU LOVE ME?

im sorry i can't be p e r f e c t

2006-03-13T04:36:00.000-08:00

Im sorry I cant be perfect
Im sorry I'm a wreck
Im sorry I cant do anything
Why do you have to treat me with such disrespect?
You compare me to other kids
Telling me why can't I be like them
Why cant I be smart like her
Why cant I be "good" like him
Why cant you just accept me for who I am?
Instead of protesting about what I dont got?
You want me to be the perfect child
Thats too bad
Im not
You're so cruel
Talking rudely about me to everyone
Making me seem like a disgrace
Killing me by the hurtful things you've done.
Your acts really hurt me
I cry just thinking about it everyday
But all you do is scold me
And tell me crying is not the way
That pains me even more
To know you dont give a damn of how I feel
You don't care if your daughter is crying
You brush it off like its no big deal
You dream of having a child
Who is everything and the ideal
Well you better keep on dreaming
Cause that dream is completely unreal
I'm sorry if I've bad-mouthed you
When we fought several times
I may've hurt your feelings
Just like you've always done to mine
You are my parents
My mom and my dad
You're suppose to care for me
But all you've done is anger me
And made me sorrowfully sad

In Your Arms

2006-02-08T02:34:00.000-08:00

It's a day as normal as any,
I'm in the bathroom, by the sink,
I reach for the little blue towel, but I'm
down on the floor before I can think

I don't know what's happening
All at once, just so much pain
And all I get is a choking sound
when I try to call his name.

In a moment, the door bangs open
And he drops to his knees by my head.
Apparently he has heard me fall
And I'm thanking god that he did.

"Baby, baby, baby what's wrong,"
he asks with eyes wide and scared.
And I think, for only a moment,
of just how long he's cared.

He scoops me up in his big, strong arms,
and begs me to tell speak, so I say,
"Remember when I went to the doctor?
I came back, and said I'd be ok?"

He nods with dreading caution,
I can see tears, about to fall,
"Well honey, I lied to you that day.
I'm not ok at all."

"But you're going to be ok, right?
You're strong, I know you'll pull through."
I smile the best I can at him, and say,
"Hon, I'm not sure if that's true.

I took the pills, and the medicine,
I always did all that they told me,
I really don't think it helped, but please
All I ask of you now is to hold me."

His tears are falling freely now,
And he tries to get up to the phone,
but I ask him not to leave me,
It's no use, and I can't be alone.

"I'm sorry you met me," I whisper,
"I'm sorry that I put you through this."
He pulls me closer, "Don't say that.
Every day with you has been bliss."

The pain has spread throughout me,
but what really hurts is seeing him crying,
I know that this is the end, now.
This is really it... I'm dying.

"Baby, I have to leave now,
You'll move on, I know you'll be fine.
I'm just glad that you were here to hold me
In your loving arms, one last time."